Philosophies

For different reasons, the past year and a half has been, I suppose, a year of introspection for the B in Bich.

We've dealt with a lot of change, and at the end of the year, I looked back and thought, Wow. We did OK. And there are a lot of good people in our lives who we could have never gotten here without. That's pretty awesome. It makes you grateful.

A few other thoughts:

-- Perhaps seeing something take shape that gives you great comfort despite all of its imperfections, the work that goes into it, and the simultaneous joys and frustrations really is the reason the American dream is to own a home. I kinda get it now, this desire to own something. Hell, even owning an 11-year-old car that's being held together with duct tape gives me a perverse pride.

-- I'm not who I once was. Who is? Would I even want to be that person again? Sure, I'd love to have the courage of my college days again, the surety in the freedom of my 20s. The stability we have now is of a different kind: Rich and I have each other. (And three cats and a house we love, despite the leaks and the cracks.)

Despite all of the changes I've tried to make in myself, there will be countless more -- sort of making myself a project, like the house. And what I want to change in my life is up to me; what you want to change is up to you. Blaming others or being upset with them because of how they treat you or feeling that life has shortchanged you -- well, we can't control other people's behavior. But I can decide how much I can take, and how much energy I'm going to waste on them.

I've watched one of my best friends publish his first novel, another keep pushing herself toward achieving her dream of becoming a children's book author, another put herself through nursing school, another find his calling and a new home. All of them inspire me to want something more out of my life.

Most of all, I've been inspired by my husband to do better, learn more, work harder. Rich has even found in himself reserves of strength he didn't know he had. All of these people -- Todd, Leeza, Kristi, Mark, my workaholic husband -- make me so proud, and make me want more.